[Rant] Gather Up the Killers – The Originals 4×01

Warnings: spoilers galore, careless language, maybe inappropriate jokes

I watched the season premiere on Saturday and since then had been debating with myself whether to write a review for this spectacular opening of a new season. You see, last season I wrote a review for each episode and though it certainly had its fun, it was a bit tiring as well. Scratch it, much tiring. And being the lazy ass I am, I don’t really want to relive that ‘pain’. Still, my affection for this show is running strong and the newest episode definitely deserves some attention, so here is my thoughts (or rant):

  • Ooh, New Orleans. How I miss thy sights. How long has it been? 10 months?

1

  • Never realized I actually miss Vincent’s voice. Love the way the episode begins with his voice over on Nola scenes. My friend who watched with me thought his cadence was “poetic”, to use her word.

2

  • So, they indeed have an anniversary for the fall of the Mikaelsons. Nola residents sure have a weird way to ‘pay respect’ to the founders of their city.
  • Even better, a special event is held annually so that ‘tourists’ can witness the suffering of Klaus Mikaelson. What kind of tourists? Those with fangs, of course (and fancy cars that usually have a fresh, bleeding human corpse as accessory).
  • This vampire looks familiar somehow. Oh, I remember her. Sofya. The one-episode guest star in the previous season. I did remark that she kinda looked like Bex; maybe someone heard that and decided to change her look. Now she’s a brunette. Her profession remains unchanged however.
  • And now she’s working for Marcel and maybe hooking up with him. Beware, Marcellus, for Bex is coming back to town and she can be intensely jelly.
  • On the other hand I don’t think we’re in need of a love-triangle subplot.
  • But if they’re going that way then I guess it just have to roll with it.
  • Oh Klaus. And his Fifty Shades in Chains. Who knows? It may be the title of the next instalment of the Fifty Shades of… Whatever.

4

  • He even has a collar! Damn Marcel is kinky. Just not sexy-kinky.
  • And that’s about 5 minutes into the season premiere perhaps?
  • Hayley sure has a night cozy house in the middle of nowhere. I wonder how she got it, by compulsion or the Mikaelsons’ money.
  • Guess not all the money has gone to Caroline Salvatore’s school. Ha-ha. (I’m being sarcastic btw.)
  • Yeah, the romantic-but-morbid-but-still-romantic scene in the trailer.
  • Look, look. Hope’s big girl now and she’s wearing that magic-restraining bracelet in the second season. Nice come back.

5

  • That means she hasn’t used magic once in 5 years? Hope she’ll get the hang of it quickly when the bracelet’s taken off because Auntie Freya’s gonna teach her a lot of badass shit.
  • Mary! Dear old same Mary who’s still salty with the Mikaelsons after all these years. Please don’t spread your saltiness to the little girl; they’re her family who all love her.
  • … which is what Hayley is quick to reinforce. Hayley f*cking Mikaelson.

6

  • Determined Hayley is the best Hayley. Glad last season she finally picked a side.
  • I wonder who the witch to siphon Rebekah’s hex was. Could it be Valerie Tulle or another Siphoner (most likely vampire) that was way older than the Heretics? Has it been confirmed in The Vampire Diaries that Valerie and the twins are the only Siphoners left in this world??
  • Josh… Not sure how I feel about thee… I mean thee are nice and all but…
  • Hah, my guess is right!!! Marcel has removed Papa Tunde’s blade from Klaus.
  • So, Klaus is like Marcel’s secret counselor or something?
  • Alistair Dupence(?). Did I get his last name right? Oh well, whatever. Just another item in Klaus’s never-ending list of enemies.
  • … who barges in the city and starts making demands. Hello, upgraded Original there. What makes you think he won’t play dirty and bite you somewhere nobody sees (double entendre very much intended).
  • His accent is more memorable than his person actually.
  • Srsly, after 5 years and he hasn’t found Hayley and Hope and the slumbering Mikaelsons? C’mon she hasn’t even left the country! Aren’t your resources a failure? I guess Hayley’s really good at covering her track and laying low but still…
  • And he throws the gauntlet! Wonderful. Mano a mano. Man to man… except put Klaus in chains and starve him beforehand pretty please?

11

  • That Hayley and Hope’s hug though.
  • Hayley’s in a black dress. OK, I’m so used to seeing her in shirts, jeans, leather jacket and boots that this new look is… startling. Looks very good on her though. Don’t get me wrong, but she can wear that dress at both a funeral and a nightclub.
  • I have a feeling she dresses to attract her prey’s attention…
  • … who is Keelin, a wolf. Is this the bisexual wolf I’ve heard rumors about?
  • Hayley doesn’t waste a second, doesn’t she? After five years she’s become very vigilant.
  • Let’s see… dimly lit, pretty dirty place: check, bondage: check, crazy contraption that’s likely to cause pain: check and check. I wonder why this place reminds me so much of Saw.
  • But Hayley doesn’t want to play; she’s in for business…
  • … which is gathering Keelin’s venom and waking sleeping beauty Freya up.
  • That Hayley and Freya’s hug.

9

  • I guess Freya’s so accustomed to this sleeping-for-years-and-then-up-and-walking shit she doesn’t waste a moment for her stiff, lethargic muscles to flex and goes straight to work. That’s big sis for ya!

12

  • Hayley VS Alistair’s lackeys. Hayley: 1, Alistair’s lackeys: 00000000 (can I add the zeros to infinity??)
  • Her f*cking wolf form though. ♫♫♫♫ Who let the wolf out? ♫♫♫♫
  • But the most gruesome awesome kill goes to…… Freya Mikaelson. Srsly brain melting? That’s a novelty.
  • She probably has so much energy pent up in her. Poor that vamp dude. Next time buy a life insurance. That way your wife and kids will get compensation.

13

  • Once again this show proves women are a force to be reckoned with.
  • Klaus VS Alistair (plus crowd). Klaus: 0, Alistair: 1. Some ranting on Alistair’s part later… Klaus: 1, Allistair: 000000…
  • See the similarities?
  • I seriously think Klaus should expand his diet to vampire blood as well. I mean Alistair’s full of healthy blood; why doesn’t Klaus just sucks him dry? He’s been pretty starving, hasn’t he?
  • “Meet…… your…… maker.”
  • Too bad Marcel has to choose this very moment to be a dickwad. Why, Marcel, why?
  • Marcel’s boast kinda gets on my nerves.
  • “You want more?”
  • Hayley’s making badass taunt while standing in her gloriously nude form. I’m fine. I’m so fine. Are all wolves natural naturalists?!
  • Elijah’s really the expert in creepy killing. Is this a throwback to the pilot where he killed all those vamps who were ganging up on Sophie?
  • Haylijah reunion.

15

  • The kiss! I’m not a Haylijah shipper but still…
  • Vincent mentions Cami and Klaus immediately shuts up his threats. “You stayed my hand and quelled my rage” indeed.
  • Even better, Cami will make an appearance in the next episode!
  • “When it comes to my family’s safety, I don’t negotiate.” Mikael’s beloved daughter speaking.
  • “After all this time…” “Me too.” They really don’t need many words, don’t they?
  • “A child after my own heart.” The moment they will get to meet Hope will be s-p-e-c-t-a-c-u-l-a-r!!!
  • And now they’re going back for Klaus!
  • Kinda agree with Klaus about Marcel’s not escaping his shadow and being weak. Kinda feel bad Klaus gets daggered for that. “Why’re you so hell-bent on proving him right, Marcel?” to parody Vincent’s words.

Overally, a good episode and a strong start for the season. Looking forward to the next episode.

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