Disclaimer: Characters belong to their respectful owners
Fandom: The Originals, The Vampire Diaries
Genres: fanfiction, alternate universe, humor, crack, crossover
Characters: Freya Mikaelson, Elijah Mikaelson, Klaus Mikaelson, Damon Salvatore, Stefan Salvatore, Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennett, Matt Donovan and others
Summary: Exactly what it says on the title: How the trouble in Mystic Falls could be solved in one episode: by inviting the Original family back to Mystic Falls.
The Mystic Falls gang and Lily’s Heretics squared off in the middle of the street, every nerve painfully strained and ready for the grand final battle to the death.
Then, a crunching sound broke the condensed silence, and a head rolled on the asphalt street, trailing a blaze of fresh blood behind. While the Mystic Falls gang stared wide-eyed at the head, minds temporarily blank, another body hit the ground with a dull thud.
Two bodies, one headless and the other with a crimson gaping hole in her chest.
Lily screamed as if only now did she notice the two fallen ones were her precious Heretic vampires. And while she screamed, the rest of her unholy ‘family’ burst into flame.
They didn’t even have a chance to utter a sound: the flames had ravaged their flesh like a ravenous beast and reduced the rest to charcoal…
… and burnt out even the charcoal.
The flames were crueler than the sun. At least the sun left behind the bodies while the flames consumed everything they could: where the vampires had been standing were sizzling puddles that emitted a smell so foul most of those present couldn’t help covering their nostrils.
“Gross…” Caroline muttered as she turned to Bonnie, who hadn’t looked this appalled since Silas. “What has done this?”
“Why you…” Lily hissed, bearing her fangs, and sprang to the three newly arrived figures, who no doubt had just wiped out her family in a blink. Fearing more her life and less for his own, Enzo didn’t miss a note to follow her.
“Wait!” Both Salvatores shouted at the top of their undead lungs. “That’s our mother. Please don’t hurt her, Klaus!”
“And he’s my friend, Elijah!” Damon quickly added. “Please!”
“Since when you two got to give us orders?” Klaus smirked and tightened his vice-like grip around Lily’s throat, causing her eyes to roll at the back of her head. It appeared as though her head would be torn from her neck if he used just one more fraction of his Hybrid strength.
“Because… because…” Stefan stammered, “Caroline, please talk to him!”
Caroline’s expression was an odd crossbreed between her distress caused by Klaus’s return and her furious desire to rip Stefan apart.
His smirk deepening, Klaus exchanged a quick look with Elijah, who was keeping Enzo’s feet dangling a few inched from the ground. “What do you think, brother?”
“I think, brother, is to have our sister decide. She is, after all, the winner of our bet.”
The Mystic Falls gang couldn’t help widening their eyes upon hearing the word “sister.” They weren’t even aware of the third figure’s presence until the two Originals’ mention, as she was towered completely by her brothers. Now that was where their confusion began. Though they hadn’t seen her for a while, they all remembered clearly that Rebekah Mikaelson was a little… taller.
“I’d rather you two not kill them,” a female voice said, and it was obviously not Rebekah’s. “Because if you did, you two would have more kills than I, and I would lose.”
“Fine,” Klaus muttered, rather exasperated, “as you wish, dear sister.”
Elijah merely smiled as he snapped Enzo’s neck. While he expected his brother her to do the same, Klaus had another idea.
“Be a good girl and sit still with your mouth sewn shut,” Klaus compelled her and released her neck. With dazed eyes and mouth hanging open, Lily fell on her bottom.
“Ah, not vervained. A bunch of careless idiots.” His sharp eyes swept across all the faces present. “Mystic Falls has truly gone out of shape since we left, hasn’t it, brother?”
The gang gulped. Since the Originals left, they had gotten rid off their habit to digest vervain.
“It wasn’t good to begin with,” Elijah mock-sighed. “Now it’s gone down the slope.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” It was Damon that had enough audacity to raise their collective question while the rest of them were too on guard to open their mouths. That Lily’s Heretic squad had been entirely wiped out wasn’t assuring at all; it was merely a case of “kill a demon today, face the devil tomorrow.”
None of them had forgotten how long their celebration of the Originals’ departure had lasted.
“Have the two of you already drunk New Orleans dry?” Stefan added, his courage inspired by his brother.
“On the contrary,” replied Klaus, “New Orleans is thriving as we speak. We left its comfortable embrace to show our long-lost eldest sister our settled land, unaware that it has been infested with filthy vermin strutting the streets as if they owned the place.”
“Long-lost eldest sister?” Caroline moved her lower jaw with great difficulty – she had a distinct impression that it could fall off any moment. Her eyes bored into the slender woman, who didn’t look much older than she was, and certainly too young to be older than the two Originals.
“May I present our sister, Freya Mikaelson.”
“But… you’re a witch,” Bonnie said, heavy incredulity lacing her tone. How a witch could live for over a millennium was beyond her. An idea flashed her mind, dauntingly unfavorable. “Are you a Heretic?”
Freya looked doubtful. “I am a witch,” she confirmed, even-toned, and turned to her brothers. “What is a Heretic?”
“I believe she means this… rubbish, vampires that were able to practice witchcraft,” said Elijah, idly poking the headless body with the tip of his designer shoe. “Let me assure you, Mystic Falls residents, our sister is a pure witch. What you are witnessing is only magic.”
“Great, a magical Barbie Klaus,” Damon blurted out before Stefan had had any chance to cover his big mouth.
A wry sound echoed and instantly Damon collapsed, his head lolled to the side.
The rest of the gang stared at Damon, then at the three Mikaelsons. They were sure as hell neither Klaus nor Elijah had moved an inch. That left only Freya, who had lifted two of her fingers.
“Breaking a neck with a snap of fingers… can you do that, Bonnie?” Caroline whispered.
A bead of sweat rolled down Bonnie’s chin. “Not as quick and effortless as she could.”
“This is trouble,” Caroline mumbled.
“Now,” said Freya, stepping up on her knee-length black leather boots and aimed with a smile to kill, “I have a question that needs answering. Which of you killed my brothers Finn and Kol?”
The gang glanced at one another warily, their expressions speaking a common thought, “We’re in deep trouble.”
“I like the other sister much better,” Matt concluded.
Just-for-fun non-canonical crack. Please don’t take it too seriously.