Episode 260715

I said to a friend, “Let’s talk.” She replied, “What’s there to talk?”

Another friend posted a somewhat sad status on Facebook. I saw it and left a comment, “We can meet and talk about it sometimes you know.” We haven’t talked to each other for more than a month. She replied, “There’s nothing to talk about.”

We used to be close; we met each other regularly to talk about almost anything. Girl gossip. It was meaningless but fun. Something happened, just a small thing, and now there seems to be a wedge between us. I guess what was lost that day wasn’t only a fragment of trust on my side.

I have this friend with whom I could talk for hours. We shared this love for this couple, you see, and she liked my writing, mediocre as it was sometimes. Then our conversations shortened, became scarce. Now we find it difficult to keep it flowing.

Before them, there were others. We were close, close enough to think that I had found my soul mate. Then, for no obvious reason, we became distanced.

What have gone wrong, I wonder.

2 thoughts on “Episode 260715

  1. 😦
    How wrong I’ve been. Irretrievably.
    No excuses. I’ve taken a friend for granted.
    Actually I usually take things for granted. My family, my youth, my privileges, my health, my time.
    Although I’m fully aware that this won’t work, but redemption is no easy task. You intend to do this, do that, then when the time comes, you just push it aside and abandone yourself to vanity, I mean idle away instead of doing something meaningful.
    For a chronic procrastinator, kicking this toxic habit is 100xxx times harder.
    I thought about you. I read your newest stuff. I wanted to share my thoughts in long essays like I used to do. But I didn’t.
    I guess it’s the same case with my family. I often tell myself I love them and I do think of them. When I get stuck at work, I give myself encouragement “hang in there, for those whom you love and care.”
    But I just keep it in my mind, I neither display nor show them how deeply I care for them.
    Then inadvertently, the negligence extends to other people, my friends, my colleagues.
    The other day I had to take a day off to take care of family business, two of my co-workers texted me to ask whether I was sick. I was touched, truly touched, yet a plain thank-you was all I offered. A brief sign of gratitude.
    What can I do to amend the situation?
    Weekly phone calls, random inquiries, at least something to show I’m still there.
    Last night when I logged on to facebook and saw your post, I was excited to know how you’d been doing. Your words struck me like lightning.
    In the world of modern society, some people find it impossible to communicate, including two of us and we somehow end up being friends here in a virtual platform. I consider myself a lucky one because of that.
    Mutual understanding, a bit of similarity, a source of inspiration, a heart of sympathy and may be a confidante, I found it all in this small toy box. Did I tell you I opened a blog because I was inspired by yours? I used to believe I could be a decent blogger and could nurture my blog into a home that’s worth visiting. I was wrong. Ultimately, the role of an observer fits me better. I saw two new comments on my blog but didn’t dare to read them because I knew all too well where they came from. I’ve practically dropped the translation project and feel terrible about it ~`~
    Well, I hope you won’t be bother by the lack of sense and coherence in this comment. I have no idea what I just wrote either.
    Thank you for entering my world. Sorry for not being there when you need me.
    I just want you to know that I’m still here, only one quick comment away, a stalker who is proud to be on your list of follwers ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Have you regained Internet connection?

      On the contrary, I’ve grabbed a perfect sense of what you were saying. Inability to freely express my feelings for those around me who deserve them is my weakness to. ‘Emotionally stunted’ or ‘low EQ’, I’ve heard a few names for it. People around me often say that I’m cold, emotionless even and I sometimes believe it to be true. In my darkest hours, I become so self-centered that I truly understand what it means to be a loveless creature – unable to love and care for anyone of anything. You see, that trait exists in some of my characters. They smile all the time, they flirt with everyone they meet but deep down, they have love for no one. They only ‘like’, not ‘love’ and they move on once they get bored. Sometimes I fear that it is my condition: I rarely stick to one thing or one person for too long and I get bored easily and often. I guess it’s one trait I share with Dorian aside from vanity (to tell the truth I’m a vain person).
      No need to worry about your comment’s lack of coherence, mine isn’t any better .
      Thank you for spending time to write such long and heartfelt message. Just knowing you’ll always be there is enough to keep me going.

      Hang in there, July’s almost over.


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