When will that freaking damn thing called ‘Retro Mercury’ end? I’m sort of sick of its distressful effects on me.
In many people’s eyes I’m an antisocial person. And every freaking time I get that ‘thrown’ at my face, all I want is to scream. What gives people such impression I have to seriously wonder. I’m just being myself and that’s all about it. And if I’m acting like someone else, it’s either because I hate that person or I’m not close to that person. If possible, I would even pay to know who really likes me and who only fakes it.
I envy people who have friends that share their interests. I’m sort of denied of that privilege. I love to share; still, I never want to force people into doing something that doesn’t interest them. Frankly’ I’m afraid of bothering them. Even when I ask people to read and give some constructive comments on my writings, I take considerable amount of time just to consider whether I should do it. Sometimes I even feel bad about it. And putting my own thoughts at the end of each piece feels totally like talking to imaginary friends. Quite pathetic isn’t it. I know I’m too old for such thing. The worse part is I feel satisfied doing that, like I really enjoy it, the whole talking to imaginary people thing. One scene in ‘Lives of Omission’ has Laughing Gor talking to his bug pet Cindy and that kind of saddens me for I understand thoroughly how that feels like.
My drafts have become really disarranged recently. So have my thoughts.