Although I am fully aware that your existence is nothing more than a product of men for a sole purpose of satisfying their imagination (and to educate children too), I still sit here (on the ground, I mean), in front of my old, slow and not very trusted laptop, typing this letter to you. And I can assure you as well as those unfortunates who will read this letter that I am 100% sane and not under overwhelming auticism (though the raging blood of a hyper fangirl is still boiling in my veins but nevermind, I get used to that).
You probably wonder (let’s just pretend you’re real, shall we ?) why a young adult who is going to hit 20 in a few months as I am is writing a letter to you. Since you have received thousands, no, millions, billions letters of kids all over the world asking for their Christmas presents, it cannot be blamed that you are confused when a letter from a girl who lives in a snow-free country is found on your doorstep. Well, to tell the truth, my intention is not so different from those of the kids since I want to ask (and probably beg) for a Christmas gift.
I can imagine you angrily shout at the letter when you reach this paragraph.
“What do you think you are, girl ? I have countless requests from kids to fulfill and now, you, an adult, also want a gift ? Say, why do you deserve my present ?”
Ok, maybe you will not shout (my imagination of you is quite an aggressive one, isn’t it ?) but I am pretty sure this question will flash your mind. So, why do I deserve a present from a generous Santa Clause ?
Since I was young, I have already heard that only nice kids could get presents from Santa. I do not intend to flatter myself but I, too, am a nice kid, eh, corrected, a nice young adult. Well, I have played truant a few times, have disobeyed my parents a few times, have done emo things a few times, have bullied my pets a few times and have swore a few times (many times, in fact) ; besides those, I am perfectly nice. I may not be constructive to the society but I am not destructive, either. So, don’t you think I deserve your gift now ?
I will not ask for sweets or expensive toys like other kids (I’m an adult for god’s sake); what I want is something very special, very unique and very… desirable. I am probably not the only one desire this gift; thousands fangirls outside will happily trade something to attain the same thing. Still, only I have the guts to ask and they don’t so, serve them rights ! You have to conceive the fact that you cannot be a true fangirl without bravery. No guts, no fangirl’s spirit ! After all, what we fangirls drool over are fearful, berserk, dangerous and… gorgeous entities, ranging from silver haired youkais, Satan, gut-eating or blood-sucking monsters (beautiful ones at least) to cold-blooded assassins and yakuzas…
Here is the most important part. You can ignore all the blabbering above but not this since it is the sole reason why this letter is in your (chubby) hands
PLEASE SEND ME AN AOSHI-KUN FOR CHRISMAST GIFT !!!
When I say “an Aoshi-kun” I mean a real one, not an action figure or stuff like that. A human-sized (189cm) one which is capable of functioning like a normal man; can talk (though we all know he doesn’t talk much), eat, drink, walk… and most importantly, can listen to my reasons (we’re fully aware of what he’ll do if he doesn’t listen to me, right ?). It would be marvelous if he can think or act on his own but it is fine and more preferable if he cannot and just obeys my every orders (I’m not ready to take responsibility for any problems on his behalf). All I want is a simple yet extraordinary (not to mention the ‘beautiful’ part) pet.
If you find my request reasonable, please send him to me by the night of Christmas. I know he is a little bit big and heavy to carry on your sledge so, I am eager to compensate for the shipping cost (meaning drinks for you and food for your lovely mousses).
I am looking forward to your wonderful gift.
Wish you a happy (and busy) Christmas (I mean no sarcasm 😀 )
PS 1 : Since you are a generous Saint, you will not mind sending me a few Aoshi chibies as extra, right ? I would love to see them as well as my big “Aoshi-kun”.
PS 2 : By any chance you did get mad at this greedy little request and decided to ignore my whole letter, please don’t ! If you did, there would be highly possible that a girl died of heartbroken on Christmas night. As gentle as you are (or as how they describe you), you do not want it to happen, do you ?